My one and only resolution of 2008: Keep the big things and let go of the small ones. -

I’m very, very sentimental. I collect physical traces of my memories, like pictures, Starbucks cups, napkins and receipts. Even SMS messages - my cellphone inbox is full of old text messages that I can’t bear to delete. If I absolutely have to get rid of them, for the sake of incoming ones, I write them down first. I have pretty sharp memory, but still, I want to remember everything - down to the nittiest and grittiest detail. But if there’s one thing I learned in 2007, it’s that not everything is worth remembering. That’s what short-term memory is for. It’s fun to look back at them, but soon enough these things won’t matter anymore, so there’s no point to holding onto them.  Leave the past where it belongs.  Besides, that’ll just take up the space that newer experiences should be occupying.

There are just some things you have to let go.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any weirder than they already are, this day happens.

In the words of my favorite band, Death Cab for Cutie, I shouldn’t think what I’m feeling.  But I can’t help myself! This is me desperate for a distraction. I’m so tired of thinking about the same damn thing over and over again. The last sem really did a number on me, huh? It stuck around through sem break, and I still can’t seem to shake it off even now that the new sem is here. I feel so drained. Crying and alcohol don’t help anymore, whether by themselves or combined. And neither does snuggling under my sheets and listening to Death Cab all night. Because I feel like Ben Gibbard is singing my exact thoughts in prolific prose. I can’t stand it.

Emo at it’s finest. Shoot me down, someone. Or give me back the old me.

Because being part of Psychedelics means I have to help out on registration week, today is technically my last day of sem break.  Finally, something to do besides overeating.

I really hope I get a Bio 11 class.  I’ll die if I don’t.  Well, not really.  But if I don’t get it this sem I’ll have to take it over the summer.  It’s a prerequisite of one of my major classes so I must take it before fourth year.

Don’t know what else to say.  Except, maybe, I’m glad sem break’s over.

One of the worst things about me is my being irrationally selosa and possessive. It doesn’t take much to make me jealous.

I think I’ll leave it at that.

I’m turning twenty in 10 days or so.  I almost forgot about all about that.  Not that it really matters anyway, since I stopped caring about birthdays as soon as I grew too old to hold parties at McDonalds.  Sometimes I expect something special ought to happen on my birthday, but nothing ever does, and all it ever turns out to be is an excuse to ask my parents for an expensive gift.

Still, I am turning 20 - isn’t that supposed to be a milestone of sorts, like that time when girls turn 18 and blow their parents’ money on a really grand party?

Hm. 20. No thanks to that extra year I took in grade school,  I’m older than most of my friends - my batchmates in college.  Once I turn twenty, that one-year age gap will be more pronounced; there won’t be a -teen in my age anymore.   I guess that’s supposed to make me feel bad and old, but it doesn’t.  I bet I won’t miss being a teenager much, anyway, not if those years were the dumbest you’ve ever had.  And especially not if those dumb years are the only years you’ve had so far. There isn’t much glory in being young and stupid.  I’d rather be old and sure of myself than young, bumbling and whiny - although that last part probably won’t change, hahaha.

So I’m guessing this coming-of-age shiznit deserves a celebration.  Take a break from the hustle and bustle of school (which I am hating right now) and just unwind with the people you love. Actually, I’m thinking of taking a couple of high school friends out to lunch or something.  Most of them study in UP but we never get to hang out in school, so this’ll be an excuse to see them after so long.   But they’ll probably be busy, and I probably will be, too.  And my college friends… well, they have as much free time as I have, which isn’t much to speak of.  So no plans. Yet. Who knows.

In other news, Blogger is a fricking RETARD for suspending our group blog for “violation” of their Terms of Services.  They thought our blog was a spamblog. Stupid! We can’t even add entries, which sucks because I would really really love to rant right now.  I’d hate to go all emo-shitty again, so let’s just leave it at that.

It’s times like these when I feel like my life would make a really interesting story. If only I possessed a gift for words, I’d write a highly-fictionalized, sci-fi-ed account of my life thus far, psychological turmoils and all.
It will be my magnum opus. A futuristic horror/psychological thriller set in a dystopic society. Then I’d sell it to a publisher. It would fly off the shelves. Some big movie company will buy the rights and turn my life story into a Hollywood film, with some oversexed actress cast as me. I’d be filthy rich, then. Living in the absence of worry.

Unfortunately, these days, the only things I’m writing are research exercises for Psych 118. So, damn, this really blows.

Who else is having a pleasant semester? I am.

In the words of Racine, my dear groupmate and partner in almost everything school-related nowadays, Psych 118 is a time-consuming, unforgiving bitch.  We have 3 papers due within two weeks, and no, that span of time is not enough. But complain is all I ever do.  It’s what I signed up for, after all.  In any case, I’m glad my groupmates are two good friends that I love dearly, even if we tend to be crabby with each other at times -  pardonable, given the circumstances.  Hahaha. We’re practically taking the same subjects this semester, so essentially we’re bitching about the same things.  We die together. Hahaha.

Okay, I am aware that I owe you all a lot of stories and a couple of pictures, but I just can’t bring myself to blog when I know I should be doing something else (read: studying).  I tend to take my time when I blog about events and stuff, and I just don’t have that time right now.  But I will blog about the Taste Asia event and upload pictures tomorrow, among other things.  Sorry, too, if I haven’t been visiting your blog.  I will do all that tomorrow, promise.  This is just a quick update to let you all know that I am capable of blogging more than once a week. He he

For some reason, I started listening to Canon in D Major and Air on G String on YouTube.  These two are very common Baroque pieces.  I’m sure you’ve heard both of these compositions before, even if you don’t know what they’re called.

I hate the rain.  It rained pretty hard today.  But it felt so calm and relaxed while the music was playing. Who knew rainy afternoons and classical music make a good combination?

Nothing beats Baroque music.  I love classical music.  Ha ha, just wanted to share.

Ensemble Planeta and Vienna Boys’ Choir made excellent choral arrangements of Air on the G String.

This Voxer uploaded a really nice rendition of Canon in D Major for the piano.  There’s also this really cool electric guitar version.

No matter how utterly exhausted I was all week, now that it’s all over I still can’t bring myself to wake up any later than 6:30 AM. For the last five days I’ve been doing a lot of walking, talking, and thinking. School hasn’t even started yet but I’m tired already, in every which way. And yet I’m not sure if there are any pressing matters to be so stressed about. I guess I just have this uncanny ability of creating a big thing out of nothing, to generate my own headaches. I am glad, though, that the people I work with are there to make me feel better. It was a treat getting to know each other, in every aspect of our lives if you know what I’m saying. This week will really do a lot for our projects and plans, considering we’re stuck with each other for the next 10 months or so.

Case in point, I had fun braving the streets of Divisoria with four of them yesterday. That far-flung place is a wonderful treasure cove for random things, and for cheap, too. I wish I had more time to shop for clothes, though. Retail therapy works wonders for me, ha ha.

My feet were aching and I was all sweaty and awful after that, but I still managed to go to a small get-together over at a friend’s house. We sat by the poolside, although we couldn’t swim since the chlorine was still fresh. To amuse ourselves, apart from the normal booze, food and terribly funny jokes courtesy of a friend’s cellphone, we doused a few passing centipedes and ants with isopropyl alcohol, and set them on fire, flambee-style. Too bad I was too tired to really enjoy the whole affair (if I recall right, the first thing I did when I got there was sleep on the guestroom’s bed).

Wah. What a random entry. I think I will take a nap now. I ought to get started on the next batch of publicity materials.

I consider today my last day of summer vacation. For the upcoming week, I have to be in school for the whole day because of my registration committee duties. And after this week, the new school year begins.

I had a quiet summer. I spent most the time alone, and at home. I purposely arranged my schedule so I would have a lot of “me-time” this summer, and that’s what made these past two months enjoyable and worthwhile, I think. I always find ways to amuse myself when I’m not in anyone’s company. I enjoyed my daily 2-hour breaks browsing through the books in the AS walk tiangge, or sipping overpriced coffee in a nearby cafe. I found an odd creative outlet in cooking (and eating). I revived old hobbies like creating photo manipulations in Adobe Photoshop and tinkering with WordPress. I liked being able to do what I want without hassling anyone, or being hassled by anyone. I wouldn’t have had all that if I wasn’t alone. Most of all, if I didn’t take this social downtime I wouldn’t have figured out what I really want in life. I probably wouldn’t have discovered that I wanted to go abroad after college, or that I actually had a knack for cooking, or that I want to be in the Hospitality business (for now, at least). In fact, I think I kind of prefer being alone. I’m glad I took this time to do just that.

People are surprised to find out I’m an introvert, probably because I talk in a loud voice and I tend to do something really attention-grabbing (read: embarrassing) when I’m with friends. But truthfully, I think that’s just a facade. I know this makes me sound like a social reject, but I’d like to think I’m not. If I am in good company, great. But if I’m not, that’s alright, too. Basically, I’m just comfortable with being alone. Unlike some people I know who can’t even walk to the next building without an escort.

I probably won’t have much me-time this school year, since I will be a busy college junior in the next 10 months. But being alone can be taxing, too. I’m excited to meet new people, and new blood (okay, that sounded wrong but you get it right?), especially since two of my close high school friends are going to UP. I kind of want to avoid being so anti-social this year, so I plan to be more involved. I think 6 months of being away from everyone is enough to appease my introvert self. I’m ready to socialize again.

But I think I will still miss being alone.

I can’t wait for tomorrow. Summer outfits for the Psychedelics! Ha ha.