This week, I allowed myself to be sad. I allowed myself to cry even if I couldn’t afford to break down, what with all the schoolwork I had to finish. Sheesh. I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much in my recent life history. Every time I felt like I’ve cried my eyes raw, the tears come back. But I knew I couldn’t stay sad for very long, especially with the friends I have. There’s only so much negativity I can take; you have to get tired of being miserable sometime. I forced myself to be happy, and I’m glad it worked. I don’t want to waste my time being sad when I could be enjoying moments with the people that still matter.

I think it was a good choice to feel too much all at once.  All I needed was a week to be sad.  Now I’m okay.  I’ll use this break to recharge and get back on track.

hindi mo lang alam
naiisip kita
baka sakali nga maisip mo ako

“Oo” by Up Dharma Down is one of my favorite songs. It’s like the generic love song of every love story. It never gets old. It just fits every damn time. Haha.

kahit tayo’y mgkaibigan lang
bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nakukulitan

I watched Up Dharma Down perform last night with some friends.  I scared myself by singing along through the entire song - who knew I knew all the words? - with feelings.  Of course, they caught it all on video.

baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
ako’y nandito lang hindi mo lang alam
matalino ka naman.

Haha. It never gets old.

Things I learned this week:

• I am allergic to beer. I had 1.5 cans of San Mig Light a few nights ago and not only did I get drunk (yes, I am weak), my entire upper torso was red. Ugh.
• I talk a lot when I’m sloshed. A lot. If you want to know all my secrets, ask me when I’m drunk. I’m willing to tell just about anyone.
• I also learned that some boys like girls - all girls in general. It doesn’t matter who it is, as long as it’s a girl.
• A lot of people are sinners. Haha.

Ugh. I really need to finish my papers now. I foresee a tiring week ahead.

I’m re-reading some of my blog entries and damn, I’ve been vague.  Sorry, I think blogging has lost its magic for me.  It used to be cathartic, a shock absorber of sorts (this is consistent for a lot of Filipino bloggers, according to our study, haha).  I can’t imagine not having a blog, but I’ve been dealing with things that aren’t really for public consumption, and when I’m like this, I can’t bring myself to think or write about anything else.

At least I’m better now.  I’m proud of myself, actually, for handling this better than I did the last time it happened to me.  I feel like a whole new person.  Ok, that was really corny.  But really, that’s the only way I can describe what these past few weeks have been like.  I’m so glad I’m finally learning, albeit slowly.

Perhaps the only good thing about all this is that I realized I have good friends. I have friends who willingly adopt me for a weekend because I’m home alone. I have friends who keep me from ruining things when I’m sloshed with alcohol. I have friends who answer my distress signals (i.e. call and text) and keep me distracted. I have friends who wait for my class to end just so I could pour my heart out to them. I’m surrounded by good people. Thank you, people! You know who you are. I just can’t thank you enough.

The semester’s been okay so far.  I’m back to writing papers again.  Damn it, I so didn’t miss this part of college.

By the way, I’m condoning capitalism again this year by collecting stickers for the Starbucks planner.  Coffee date, anyone?

Judging from the blog entries of my UP friends, it seems like a lot of us are still not over the sem that was. I think we’re all pretty shocked to suddenly find ourselves with a lot of time at our disposal now that sem break is here.  I myself can’t believe it’s over.  I’m not used to being idle anymore.  I’m not used to not having that nagging feeling at the back of my head to finish writing my papers or studying for this and that.  But I could really get used to this inactivity, because it seems each sem is worst than the last.  Boredom will become a luxury by then.  Ha ha.

And because I have nothing better to blog about, I’m just going to place here something I wrote in my LiveJournal a few days ago:

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I already have most of my grades for the semester (We had our Math finals just yesterday and my prof had our standings ready by this morning. He has nothing better to do. Haha. Peace tayo, Sir :P). To my surprise, I actually got good grades! I’m actually going to get a 1.something in Math! And the chances are high that I won’t get a grade lower than 1.75! Now that’s a first for me.

My Psych 118 grade is the only one I’m waiting for. When I get that, I’ll release some of our research results to those who requested it.

That was one hell of a semester. Good God!

So, it’s sembreak. What now?

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Three more papers and an exam to go. I don’t know how I’m going to manage in the next 5 days. I swear to God, I won’t allow my remaining semesters to go on like this anymore.

In spite of that, this sem still had its fair share of stellar moments. And those few good times were really good.

I’m not sure when it was that I started to feel this way, but I’m glad I noticed this one good thing right away.

One of the worst things about me is my being irrationally selosa and possessive. It doesn’t take much to make me jealous.

I think I’ll leave it at that.

It was hard, watching a friend’s struggle to distract himself after breaking up with his girlfriend.

We were right outside our classroom, waiting for the class before us to leave.  When they were dismissed, a girl rushed out of the room and right into the arms of this guy waiting by the door. Her boyfriend, apparently.

They kissed.  We watched.

My friend and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.  A little nervously, in fact.

“That’s sad.” he said, shaking his head.

‘Tis.

—

Heart break is just awful, isn’t it? There’s no way around it, but with time.  Yet, even then, one cannot tell how long it will take.

People are like Google - we all like fresh content.

Ha, weak analogy, I know. Blame my mom, she was the one who told me that fun fact.

But seriously. It’s human nature to be fascinated by new things. We like things better when they’re fresh off their packaging, all sparkle-y and shiny.

But when the novelty is gone, we lose interest. Then we start taking the old things for granted. Because once the dust settles, we tire of the same old things.

And the same old people.

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